This week the focus in on the following aspects of human nature:
1.) People have a natural proclivity to gossip
2.) People are naturally curious
3.) People want to reciprocate
Let’s see what these aspects are about and how knowing this can help in our relationships.
I. Gossip – defined as a focus on the negative information about others. Usually used to disparage a person or group. Gossip can be on appearance, achievements, or behavior.
Example: celebrity gossip. Seemingly harmless. Gossip about a neighbor, priest, co-worker – very harmful.
Why do people gossip? Revenge, dislike of another person, relief that they are not the target of gossip or a desire to deflect attention off themselves. Gossip also provides the communicator with power. The ego boost of appearing knowledgeable is addictive.
What can you do with this awareness of gossip? Can you examine your own behavior and motivation to gossip? Or can you use this human nature trait to find out information about the gossiper? An example of the latter would be if you want to know the power structure of a company for a job interview. A receptionist may be engaged to discern who the real decision maker is. It may not be the CEO; it may be there is a “gate keeper” secretary. You may plan to appeal to the gatekeeper in your interview and thank you note.
II. Curious – people like to know things. When a person does not know something, they experience a degree of anxiety. The person is motivated to learn about this thing. Here is where human nature is strange. People tend to talk more than listen. I know it is counterintuitive, but people will talk rather than listen to obtain information.
What can you do with this information? Example: In a job interview the interviewer is curious about you. Or so you would think. Have you ever experienced an interviewer who talks nonstop, and you can’t get a word in about your qualifications? Exactly this situation. Rather than be discouraged, next time, use this concept to build trust with the interviewer. Let them provide you with information and be pleased/act pleased with this inside information. You are building a relationship/friendship in this peculiar manner.
Remember the scratch off discount cards? You can only scratch one circle to find out your discount. Any more circles scratched voids the card. Most people are curious about a possible super good discount and will scratch their cards. Not settling for the 5% discount, they scratch a second circle thereby voiding the discount… Marketers know this and utilize the customer’s curiosity.
III. Reciprocation – after receiving something human nature dictates that you will want to give back. This isn’t just the Christmas exchange; it is also between strangers. Most people do not want to be takers. They want to be considered good. They do not want to feel in debt to another person.
How can you use this information? Let’s return to the job interview. Say you take a piece of gum out at the reception desk and offer a piece to the receptionist as you take yours. The receptionist will feel compelled to offer you something in return. What might that be? A subtle statement like, the boss is running late today, it’s been a stressful day. Armed with this you can approach the interviewer with an expression of understanding. “Thank you for seeing me today. I know how busy you are.”
Another example is one waitstaff use – drawing a happy face on your dinner bill. Studies show this simple gesture is rewarded with a bigger tip.
The more you know, the more you want to know – right? Next week we review the human nature aspects of keeping secrets, being an expert in their fields, and underestimating the information each person possesses. The last human nature trick is when people try to hold two opposing thoughts in their heads at the same time – is this possible? Read my blog next week to find out!
All the best!
Dr. Pepper