Sex grabs attention. So, do I have your attention? Good.
I wish to address short-term gratification versus what long term goals you may have. What is short-term gratification? Passing a candy bar rack at the grocery store and grabbing a Snickers is impulsive buying and eating it is gaining a short-term gratification. Tastes good going down. Looks bad in the long term on your behinder.
Engaging in sex on an impulse may possibly result in short term gratification, possibly not. Does the sex meet your long-term goals? Will the sex provide you a long-term relationship if that is what you would ultimately like? Probably not.
Sex can be a behavior like self-injury, drugs, gambling, overspending and fast driving. They all can provide instant gratification. But what else do they do? Do they solve the problem you’re dealing with? Might you feel worse for having done these things?
If you suffer from feelings of inadequacy – not pretty enough, not thin enough, not enough booty – and you have sex early in a relationship, will sex solve these feelings? Nope. But how do you develop restraint, or delay your impulse for short-term gratification?
DBT, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, has an acronym to use. STOP. Read what each letter means.
S is for stop, remain still. Do not go with your urge, desire, faulty instinct.
T is for take yourself out. Or take a step back. Just walk away from the person you want to have sex with. Go to the ladies’ room, walk into the kitchen. Breathe.
O is the observe. Observe your thoughts, intentions, emotions, surroundings. Not just the burning desire but breathe through the slowing down. Let logic have a chance.
P is for proceed with your long-term goals front and center. Will sex make the goals more possible or will not help them? Will sex solve your worries about your inadequacy?
I want to tell you that you are wholly adequate, if not bordering on fairly wonderful, just the way you are. Just breathe. You can control your short-term wants. Go for the long-term goals. After all, you made it through many things in life to get to this point of wisdom. There are no short cuts to wisdom. You can do this.
I hope the acronym STOP helps you with any behavior you wish to change. You got this!
Dr. Pepper