Dear Dr. Pepper,
My son is gone again – back on drugs I presume. I do not know how to handle the holidays when relatives ask how he is doing. I want to scream and swear, he makes me so mad, and I am so scared for him. But I don’t want to dump on the relatives or get them gossiping. What would you say?
Distraught mom
Dear Distraught Mom,
First of all, hugs for you for bearing such a burden. Your question resonates with many parents during the holidays. Not only drugs, but alcohol, gambling, criminal behavior – what are the words to describe these situations?
A couple of thoughts come to mind:
The flippant response: “Oh, he’s living the high life”. And then change the subject.
The religious response: “His journey is his own. If you want to include us in your prayers, we would appreciate it.” Then change the subject.
The prideful response: “You know he is always up to some adventure”. Then change the subject.
The honest response: “He is away right now, and we worry.”
Then change the subject.
The key to answering the difficult questions is to give the least damaging response possible – it is best to keep your business to yourself and the professionals you engage in your situation. But blubbering out your worries is a natural response. Blubbering will also increase gossip which has no useful end.
A second key to remember is that most people just want to talk about themselves and their families. You can count on this and be relieved when the spotlight, which briefly shone on you, moves on!
Best to you. Don’t forget there are professionals to support you. You don’t need to be alone through this troubling time.
Dr. Pepper James