Dear Dr. Pepper,
I have had enough of loneliness. This is the year I am going to find a man. Do you have any recommendations for the best dating site?
Thanks,
Determined to Date
Dear DTD,
Congrats on deciding to do something about your need for companionship! I sense you are not going to procrastinate. Great. Before jumping on the Google to read the many lists of top 5 dating websites, let’s get you ready from the inside out. I am referring to having you make a list of what you want in another person. Making a list of deal breakers (examples like unemployment, smoking practices, recreational drug use, acceptable alcohol consumption, education level, spirituality, physical attributes, sexuality) is a clarifying exercise. Creating a list of parameters – think dating rules that keep you safe.
May I share with you items from lists that I have developed with clients?
What I want:
Man/woman must be single for a year after divorce or death
Must be employed full time or have a sufficient retirement portfolio
Social drinker only or a recovered alcoholic with 1+ years of sobriety
Must be an active follower in their faith
Must volunteer somewhere at least once a month
Must have one or more friends that they regularly see
Deal Breakers:
No married men/women.
No one who is separated.
No smoke, no drugs
No sharing home with ex-gf, ex-wife
Rules:
I will not verbally vomit my life story on the first or second date.
I will not speak negatively about my ex-partners.
I will only drink one drink.
I will not leave my drink unattended at any time.
I will drive myself to a public meeting place for the first couple of dates.
I will inform one or more people where I am meeting this person, what time and when I expect to be back. I will call/text when I am safely back home.
I will not have unprotected sex. (Or a rule about waiting a certain period of time before becoming sexual…think logically on this. If this were an employer, they make you wait 90 days before offering you insurance. How much more risky is having sex with a stranger? You will not combust if you wait!)
When you have examined your preferences and are clear on your value and expectations, then you will find the dating sites that will match your needs.
I wish you fun and excitement! January is the most active month for dating sites so you should have many opportunities!
Dr. Pepper