Should love hurt?

Dear Pepper,

Should love hurt? I am not sure what I did but I feel really sad. I must have screwed up. He is a great guy, it can’t be him. Help!

Sign me,

Must have been good but I lost it somehow.

Dear Lost It,

Oh dear. This is a difficult situation to address. Let me take one route. I am going to assume the beginning of your relationship was wonderful, perhaps there was a lot of joking around. Maybe he teased you and you felt unique and thought he was recognizing your quirks as delightful. Or maybe he acted in a caring way when he told you about things, he recommended you change. You tried to follow his advice. But you were not able to meet his needs.

You became more interested in pleasing him. Do you think the relationship became a bit lopsided, with you putting in more energy/love/concessions? Are you thinking this sounds right? If so, I may guess what kind of man you are pursuing.

You have entered a potentially abusive relationship. One where you will never be good enough. Your efforts to change or please him are futile. Run. Before he escalates. Run while you have a modicum of self-respect left.

Seek support from your family and friends. Some may be charmed by this man. That makes it difficult. Call a domestic violence hotline and share. Seek therapy. Do whatever you can to gain strength, self-esteem, and safety.

I know both professionally and personally of which I write. Please let me know if I guessed right. Or shoot me more information and we can examine your situation from a different perspective.

Be Safe!

Pepper